


the time Dirk gets shot in the mexican funeral shirt

by creativitea



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 14:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10788111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativitea/pseuds/creativitea
Summary: Don't worry, no Dirk Gentlys were harmed in the making of this fanfic.(short oneshot)





	the time Dirk gets shot in the mexican funeral shirt

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first Dirk Gently fic so bear with me for this haha
> 
> [edit;]   
> the lovely @yanny have translated this to chinese!   
> http://www.mtslash.org/thread-229176-1-1.html

 

_"You can't throw your business-cards and kidnap dogs as a self-defense forever"_ Farah convinces him that he needs to train his self-defense skills. That even if the universe always gets him where he needs to be, being prepared for what it might throw at him is still a good idea. He's about to argue that Todd is his assistant, and Farah tells him that _"Frankly, he could probably use a little training too"_ , and seems unimpressed when Dirk argues he's gotten a lot better; he doesn't hide behind guitars anymore. 

Amanda pitches in with from the side that _"Todd could use a beating"_ and that it would be even better if Dirk kicked his ass, which Dirk takes as a compliment and it makes him smile so big he doesn't notice that Farah is giving Amanda a "you're not being helpful"-look. Amanda shrugs. 

Dirk already has an idea on what to do.

 

This is not what Farah had in mind when she said training, so it's a good thing she's not there. Amanda is and  approves however, and Dirk doesn't take that as a bad sign, despite her use of the word "hilarious" while encouraging him. 

 

* * *

 

Since Dirk came climbing into his life through his window, Todd has definitely had to deal with a lot of surprises.

Not many of them has Dirk in the same window, literally screaming _"SURPRISE"_ at him, while aiming at him with a watergun. 

He doesn't have the time to finish his reaction of muttering _"what the fu-"_ before he's soaked and Dirk throws a watergun on the floor next to him.

When his _"I'm not doing thi-"_ is also interrupted by a beam of water, he gets the motivation needed to stretch for his weapon. This gives Dirk enough time to climb through the window and run to behind the counter. Well, Todd is able to shoot his back as he runs to hide behind there, but thanks to the goddamn leather, the attempt of revenge is too dry. 

And the satisfaction is little when you hear your target giggle as a reaction.

 

_"Why are we doing this?"_ Todd asks, slightly wondering why he even bothers trying to make sense of it. This isn't exactly the weirdest thing Dirk has done. This is honestly one of the more normal things he's done.

_"Farah said we needed to train our self-defense."_ Dirk explains, leaving Todd more confused. _"And she gave you waterguns?"_ Todd seeks shelter behind the couch, keeping a lookout for when Dirk leaves his hideout. 

_"No"_ Dirk says, taking a quick peak above the counter, now with the jacket resting on his head, to protect his hair. _"That brilliant idea.."_ he smiles, attempting to shoot a beam of water at Todd, but only hitting the couch this time, making Dirk mumble something about sofa of betrayal, putting his jacket back on. He runs to attack while shouting _"WAS MINE!"_ when he's standing over Todd, being behind the couch with him. He sprays him down, and Todd sprays him back. Todd doesn't realize he's smiling before Dirk has run out of water and is the only one getting sprayed down. He makes a run for it into the bathroom. Todd seizes the chance to refill by the kitchen sink.

 

When he's turned the sink off he hears an all too familiar rumbling, which he doesn't process what is. Dirk is already standing terrified in front of the window, and then, a shitload of waterbaloons hits him and he hears the cackles of not 3 rowdy boys, but 4 and Amanda shouting _"Sorry, Dirk!"_ while laughing. 

Dirk looks down at himself and for the first time ever shouts at the weird vampire stalkers.

_"_ _THAT'S MY FAVOURITE SHIRT, YOU ASSHOLES!"_

 

When Dirk turns to Todd, he says _"screw defense, we're training attack now!"_. And before Todd has the time to tell him what a horrible idea this is, Dirk is already running out the door. Todd follows, not sure if it's out of habit or worry. 

 

* * *

When Farah learns about what went down, she makes a mental note to be a lot more specific what she means next time. 


End file.
